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I think these things often lead to fetishes in the first place. “Shame, stigma, and prejudice have their place in many fetishes. “Even the homophobia bit is not alarming to me,” said Cheves. The guys he is messaging are chatting with him consensually, so I don’t see any consent violations.” “Many queer men do the same - talk and tease with no intention of meeting - and for similar reasons. “We all enter Grindr chats willingly, and we should do so knowing that anyone we talk to may have no plans of following through with their promises to meet,” said Cheves. You’re not giving them everything they want - you’re not meeting up with them - but you’re not obligated to give them everything they want. There are a lot of gay men who are into “straight strict Dom tops,” as you already know, and you’re giving these men something they want. He’s role playing as ‘the straight strict Dom top.’”Īnd that’s fine, ALPHA. So this guy’s kink involves withholding and, like many kinks, it involves role play. Sexual withholding - denying and being denied sex - is part of many fetishes and is really hot. Regardless of how he identifies, ALPHA enjoys dominating feminine gay men, who he ultimately denies. “For gay men, straight men can be a kink, and the reverse can also be true. “I don’t see any major problems with this, and I’m not fully clear on what he perceives his problem to be,” said Alexander Cheves, the famed gay sex writer, author, and columnist. Ally Loves Personifying Homophobic Assholes (“Look at this dumb twink, he’s so stupid and obsessed with dick he’ll do whatever I tell him to, I’m the alpha.”) And I guess it is homophobic because when you remove the intensity and power trip of being the straight male in this scenario, I just have no interest in guys at all. I know this was heavy. I also worry this comes from a homophobic place. But on some level, this all seems pretty fucked up and I don’t know why I do this and sometimes I’m confused by it. And in all honestly, I feel like I’m doing them a service because a lot of gay guys are looking for that rare, mythical thing - the straight and strict Dom top - and I can play that role.
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It’s like I’m proving to myself just how straight I am by teasing these gay guys. I actually feel like I’m “earning my heterosexuality” when I do this. I don’t want to harm anyone or live a lie, but I don’t feel queer or bisexual at all.
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I’ve experimented a few times and have gotten head from a few guys, but I have no interest in dick or fucking one of these dudes. And I always follow the same script: I send my dick pics, I make one of these thicc bottom boys want me, and I tell him to send me a video of him twerking like a stripper for me. It’s always a specific type of bottom gay dude I seek out when I get on Grindr: a very feminine “thicc” guy with a pretty face and physical features begging for a dick, the kind of guy where from the right angles you can’t tell the difference between his big ass and a thicc chick’s big ass. When a gay guy is into me because I look like his straight-masculine-jock dream, it’s a power trip like no other. I’m a 26-year-old masculine straight guy who loves exploiting the fantasies so many gay men have about straight men.